I didn't get the memo about wearing blue last year.

If I ever seriously think about marrying some guy, one of the most important qualifying factors in deciding if he is "the one" will be how well he deals with a Stella Family Christmas. It's very specific in how it has to be, and it's not for the shy or easily intimidated.

You know how some families have lots of traditions they do throughout the year? Not my family. No, we have only one tradition, and we don't ever argue it. No matter where in the world you are, or what else you could possibly be doing, if you are a Stella, you are celebrating with the family on Christmas day. It's the only day of the whole year that everyone can be counted on. Thanksgiving? In-laws. Easter? Exams. Birthdays? Oops, double-booked. Christmas? Grandpa's house! No excuses. Here's how our family's day looks every year since I can remember:

-Waking Up. We make Dante sleep at our house to keep with the tradition, even if he is 29 years old. When we were kids, we would wake up at 7am, but now it's more around noon. We all take showers and make ourselves look presentable, but stay in our pajamas. No one is allowed to go downstairs until we are all ready.

-Coming Down The Stairs. Mom goes downstairs with a video camera and video tapes the kids "sneaking" down the stairs to open presents "before she wakes up." We used to add lib, but now have standard lines: "Shh! You'll wake mom up!" and "I wonder if Santa came." Every once in a while, one of the kids will videotape instead and then it just looks like the rest are excluding that one! The camera follows the family until we reach the stockings, where we insert witty comments about Davidde's stocking being full of coal.

I wasn't joking!

-Taking Pictures. Right after we look in our stockings, we stop the video camera and take a slew of pictures of us in our pjs. It was pure agony when we were kids because we'd have to wait so long to open presents, and now it's just agony because we'd rather be eating the York Peppermint Patties in our stockings.

Can we pleeeaaaaasssse open presents yet?

-Opening Presents. We turn the video camera back on to make it look like we started opening presents right after looking in our stockings, even though it could be 45 minutes later. Mom appears in the shot and we all apologize for sneaking down (very staged memories here!). She's forgiving and we offer her the first present. After that, we take turns, in age order, opening presents, and we videotape our reaction to each one. This is my favorite part because my family's reactions are pretty funny. We usually get the humor ball rolling by wrapping something of Davidde's in Hanukah paper. It's pretty effective.

-Eating Breakfast. Sometimes we make eggs and pancakes, but breakfast on Christmas usually involves milk and stocking candy. And we're fine with that (especially since I don't like breakfast food!).

-Playing With New Gifts. If you give Dante or Davidde a new cd or dvd, they will watch it immediately. One Christmas, we listened to the entire Abba Gold cd; another Christmas, we watched "Bullet;" etc. This is usually interrupted by or done concurrently with "Getting Dressed for Real," which involves a lot of "Get out of the bathroom!"s and "Where is my shirt?"s and "Can you iron this?"s.

-Going to Grandpa's. Then we pack up all of the presents for the rest of the family, and head over 3 blocks to grandpa's house. The family says they want everyone there for dinner by 4, but people usually start arriving around 4:30. We have 29 members in the family, and it gets pretty chaotic pretty quickly, especially if people bring guests and/or food. Our tradition here goes so far as to include my grandpa playing the exact same 5 Christmas cds every year, one of which is "Manheim Steamroller." I can't ever hear keyboard music without getting that Christmas feeling.

-Eating Dinner. As many grandkids as they can fit usually squeeze into the booth in my grandpa's kitchen (yes, at 22 I am still at the kiddie table), with the adults in the dining room, and the extra people either at a table in the hallway or in the den (where the TV is!). Basically, the rule is the loudest people are the ones who get fed- if you are patient and courteous, there will not be any food left for you. It's important not to sit in the middle of the booth, too, because if the food's not within an arm's reach, there's no way out. We eat the same thing every year: turkey, mostacholi, salad, green beans, mashed potatoes, and rolls. My stomach is already growling.

Can someone please pass the refrigerator?

-Digesting. This is when the little kids play in the basement (and usually there is at least one injury), the adults chat over coffee, and the teenagers watch TV or hang out by the fire. Some of the nicer family members help out with washing the dishes. It's the calming before the storm.

Digesting time evolution throughout the years...

-Opening Presents. Since there are just too many people, we have separate times for the kids and the adults to open their presents. We all draw names for a secret santa, plus get a present from grandpa and our godparents, so there are quite a few to go around. Basically, we have some cousin or aunt or uncle standing in the present pile passing them out, while everyone else opens them in complete pandemonium! Everyone talks at the same time, saying, "I love it!"s and "Thank you!"s and "Where did you get this?"s and "Mom! Look at this!"s and the like. Within 15 minutes, the spotless living room is full of boxes, crumpled wrapping paper, and hyper family members.

On your mark, get set, go!

-Picture Taking. We have so many traditional pictures: each family, grandkids by the tree, grandpa and his children by the tree, all of the aunts and uncles by the tree, the grandkids on the staircase, and all of the aunts and uncles on the staircase. This is the time during the day when the most people complain, but everyone ends up framing their copies of these pictures anyway.

We all used to fit on the staircase together...

...but now we're too tall! Silly genetics!

-Dessert Eating. My grandpa always orders about 20 pies and we all sit around the dining room table (sometimes sitting on each other's laps to fit) and eat until we can't eat anymore. This is usually when my grandpa's brothers and sisters and their families stop by for a visit, too, which only adds to the mayhem. Each year we can expect to run out of clean forks and eat apple pie with our fingers.

-Procrastinating. We usually stay for an hour or so at grandpa's after all of the events are over, just because after all the eating and chaos, we are just too tired to move and go out in the cold with all of our new gifts. But eventually we have to accept reality and go home.

That's where our general family tradition ends, and my cousins and my tradition begins:

-Sleeping Over. Ever since 1991, my cousins Marisa, Arianna, and Theresa sleepover my house. For the first 3 years, we would make audio tapes of radio shows and stay up all night laughing. Then we moved on to videos, and now have an entire collection of talk shows, mini-plays, and stuff like that. Then we make milkshakes and sleep on futons on the floor. I have all of the videos still, and they will one day make really good blackmail. We love it. Sorry, there are no pictures available for free!

So that's it. It's by far and away my favorite day of the year- I love my family to pieces. If you ever hope to be a Stella someday, be sure to clear your Christmas schedule for our only family tradition. Because, remember, you don't want to mess with the family, especially if that family is Italian!

Merry Christmas!