Can't Believe You Said That

Oh, Spring is in the air! Well, with all of the snow on the ground, it's on the horizon, at least. And we all know that Spring is the season for love!

Or (some may argue) Spring is the season for confusing guy/girl friendships! Yippee! Sometimes the smiles and flirting end up leading to mutual crushes, or unbalanced interest, or balanced we're-just-fine-being-friends. But how can you find out?

Some call it a DTR ("Defining the Relationship"), a RDT ("Relationship Defining Talk"), an IT ("Intention Clarification"), or just a Talk. But no matter what you call it, sometimes it's a necessary evil.

Over the years, I have heard about countless "Talks". I have kept a mental list of the particularly disastrous ones, especially the ones where both people were communicating the same thing: that they did NOT want to date each other. If they are on the same page, how could the Talk end up so badly?!

I think sometimes nice guys try to explain to their nice girl friends that they just want to remain friends in a nice way. But, the nice girl (who also just wants to stay friends) can listen to what the guy says, but hear something completely different! And, as we all know with girls, it's not what was exactly said to them, but how it made them feel that's important!

Here are the King and Queen of the Confusing Relationship... :)

I am sure that this entry will be full of stereotypes and such, so please forgive me. But the following is a list of "I just want to be friends" explanations that real girls have heard from (nice!) guys that have been completely misheard. I thought it might be helpful in case you find yourself having to clarify anything, too!


Eleven Phrases That Guys Have Said That Girls Misinterpreted...
when clarifying their feelings.

A guy says,
"You're a really nice girl, but ..."

1. "... although I've thought about dating you, I've also thought about dating other girls, too."
Guy's Intention: "I want to be honest and let her know how I feel."
Girl Can Hear: "I don't think you're anything special."

2. "... I thought about dating you when we first met, but now I think we're better off as friends."
Guy's Intention: "We're friends now. Being friends is a good thing, right?"
Girl Can Hear: "I wanted to date you before I really got to know you... now that I know you I know that I don't like you."

3. "... you're really like one of the guys to me."
Guy's Intention: "I just don't see her as a potential. But we're totally comfortable together."
Girl Can Hear: "Oh, you're a girl? You may as well not be one. You don't look like a girl anyway."

4. "... I actually think your friend So-and-So is a better fit with me."
Guy's Intention: "I want to make sure she knows we're on the same page. Plus, I wonder if she'll tell me if So-and-So likes me, too."
Girl Can Hear: "All of your friends are hotter than you are."

5. "... our friendship is really important to me and I don't want to jeopardize it by dating."
Guy's Intention: "If things don't work out, I don't think I'll be able to be friends with you anymore. It'll be too awkward and that'll suck."
Girl Can Hear: "A relationship with you would be doomed from the start, so why bother? Oh, and it's easier just to use you as a friend than to commit to you as my girlfriend anyway."

6. "... you're like a sister to me."
Guy's Intention: "We're too similar to date. Plus, I like our relationship the way it is: we can just joke around and tease each other all of the time."
Girl Can Hear: "The thought of kissing you makes me want to throw up."

7. "... I just don't think we're a good match."
Guy's Intention: "I just don't think we're a good match."
Girl Can Hear: "Yeah we're not a good match, because you're a 2, and I'm a 9. It could never work out."

8. "... I just don't feel like we know each other well enough to date."
Guy's Intention: "I just don't feel comfortable dating her now."
Girl Hears: "I don't want to get to know you better. It'd be too torturous."

9. "... I've never thought of you that way before."
Guy's Intention: "I just don't see her in that light."
Girl Can Hear: "I never think about you. I've never thought about you. Period. Oh, and did I mention you're not worth thinking about?"

10. "... you're not really my type."
Guy's Intention: "I just can't see us being a good couple"
Girl Can Hear: "You're really ugly. Everything about you disgusts me. Could you really be anyone's type?"

11. "... I am just not interested in dating anyone right now."
Guy's Intention: "I like being single. Plus, I want to be sure I'm ready to jump into a relationship."
Girl Can Hear: "I am not interested in dating you now or ever. BUT if a cooler girl comes around, I think I'll be ready..."


I know, you must be thinking, "There is nothing anyone can say to make this go over well!" Well, that might be true. :) It might just be one of the lame consequences of miscommunication... or maybe you'll just want to stick to yes-and-no answers and skip the explanations!

Oh, and my point in this entry is not to bash guys or girls by any means. I am just trying to be observant! I know that people in these situations tend to have good intentions! (Although I know that some guys DO mean those phrases the way that the girls hear it... but we're just going to ignore them for the sake of this entry... and we may as well ignore them forever anyway!)

Ah, Spring. I can't wait to see what happens! :)


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All works copyrighted by Ciara Stella